Stupid Boy

I've been known to make irrational choices from time to time. My mom always jokes that no matter where I am in life that I never take the straight and obvious choice in life, I have to take the curvy road and choose what to do at the roadblocks. I suppose you can say that is what I did when I got married for the first time. I thought it was love. I mean, he said all the right things at one point. But then the real him came through. I couldn't have friends, I could barely see my family, and everything I did or said was stupid. The one thing I remember him saying over and over again were the words "you are stupid, you will never amount to anything and nobody else will want you". Pretty harsh words coming from someone who loved you, right? 

Then came marriage number two. I didn't even take a road. We will call it a drive thru wedding of sorts. I guess in my head I had already been married once before so why not just get it over with and get married again. I one more time thought I was in love. Thought he was the one. But that 'love' turned into purely a roommate situation and those voices popped into my head once more. "you are stupid. you will never amount to anything. nobody else will want you." I stayed in this marriage because it was comfortable. I had no-one else around and at the very least I had a familiar face to come home to. That was until he accused me of cheating on him only to find out it was him who cheated on me. It was then that I decided that maybe I was destined to be alone.

Because I'm like most people, I really needed companionship. I signed up for a dating site and let me tell you, there are some rather interesting people out there. I had almost given up but something told me to give this guy from SC a shot. I told myself if he turned out to be a weirdo that I was done. No more dating for me and maybe that guy from marriage number one was right. Maybe it wasn't that nobody else wouldn't want me, maybe I just didn't need anyone but myself. 

Well.....Let's just say that on January 20, 2017, my life changed. This was the evening that I took a road most traveled and drove down to Rock Hill, South Carolina. I told Shane that I would meet him in the parking lot of Books-a-Million and when he walked out of the bookstore and said hello to me, I knew right then and there that he was someone special. I'm not going to lie, we had a rocky start and he tried to throw in the towel instantly but that positive voice in me that had been hiding kept telling me not to give up. Something about this guy was like nothing I had ever experienced before. 

He encourages me to be myself and to do more of what I love. Instead of calling me stupid, he tells me how smart I am and encourages me when I struggle. He tells me pretty regularly how proud he is of me and truly listens to me when I need him to the most. And most importantly, he does want me and wants to be around me.  One of the things from Marriage number two that bothered me the most is that he wouldn't let me have fresh flowers in the house. I don't remember if I told Shane that story before or after our second date but for our second date Shane brought tulips over to my house. And not just a bouquet, I'm talking a whole plant! From that day on, I have had fresh flowers in the house. Each week when we go grocery shopping (yes, I said we!), I start off with looking at the flower section at Trader Joes, and he starts grocery shopping. 

Today, as I was putting the flowers together in their vases a song popped on my iPhone. Stupid Boy, by Keith Urban. Each time this song comes on it gets to me but today it really got to me. As I was there with the love of my life in the other room, putting together my flowers and rocking out to music....It hit me! If it weren't for that stupid boy, and his stupid behavior. If it weren't for that roommate cheating on me. If it weren't for my stubborn ass giving it one more shot.....Life is crazy

So, to you stupid boy...I got out. I was smart. I may not have amounted to one with millions and live in a fancy house, but I have amounted to something and guess what else? I am wanted. I am loved. I am someone.

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