Stupid Boy

I've been known to make irrational choices from time to time. My mom always jokes that no matter where I am in life that I never take the straight and obvious choice in life, I have to take the curvy road and choose what to do at the roadblocks. I suppose you can say that is what I did when I got married for the first time. I thought it was love. I mean, he said all the right things at one point. But then the real him came through. I couldn't have friends, I could barely see my family, and everything I did or said was stupid. The one thing I remember him saying over and over again were the words "you are stupid, you will never amount to anything and nobody else will want you". Pretty harsh words coming from someone who loved you, right? 

Then came marriage number two. I didn't even take a road. We will call it a drive thru wedding of sorts. I guess in my head I had already been married once before so why not just get it over with and get married again. I one more time thought I was in love. Thought he was the one. But that 'love' turned into purely a roommate situation and those voices popped into my head once more. "you are stupid. you will never amount to anything. nobody else will want you." I stayed in this marriage because it was comfortable. I had no-one else around and at the very least I had a familiar face to come home to. That was until he accused me of cheating on him only to find out it was him who cheated on me. It was then that I decided that maybe I was destined to be alone.

Because I'm like most people, I really needed companionship. I signed up for a dating site and let me tell you, there are some rather interesting people out there. I had almost given up but something told me to give this guy from SC a shot. I told myself if he turned out to be a weirdo that I was done. No more dating for me and maybe that guy from marriage number one was right. Maybe it wasn't that nobody else wouldn't want me, maybe I just didn't need anyone but myself. 

Well.....Let's just say that on January 20, 2017, my life changed. This was the evening that I took a road most traveled and drove down to Rock Hill, South Carolina. I told Shane that I would meet him in the parking lot of Books-a-Million and when he walked out of the bookstore and said hello to me, I knew right then and there that he was someone special. I'm not going to lie, we had a rocky start and he tried to throw in the towel instantly but that positive voice in me that had been hiding kept telling me not to give up. Something about this guy was like nothing I had ever experienced before. 

He encourages me to be myself and to do more of what I love. Instead of calling me stupid, he tells me how smart I am and encourages me when I struggle. He tells me pretty regularly how proud he is of me and truly listens to me when I need him to the most. And most importantly, he does want me and wants to be around me.  One of the things from Marriage number two that bothered me the most is that he wouldn't let me have fresh flowers in the house. I don't remember if I told Shane that story before or after our second date but for our second date Shane brought tulips over to my house. And not just a bouquet, I'm talking a whole plant! From that day on, I have had fresh flowers in the house. Each week when we go grocery shopping (yes, I said we!), I start off with looking at the flower section at Trader Joes, and he starts grocery shopping. 

Today, as I was putting the flowers together in their vases a song popped on my iPhone. Stupid Boy, by Keith Urban. Each time this song comes on it gets to me but today it really got to me. As I was there with the love of my life in the other room, putting together my flowers and rocking out to music....It hit me! If it weren't for that stupid boy, and his stupid behavior. If it weren't for that roommate cheating on me. If it weren't for my stubborn ass giving it one more shot.....Life is crazy

So, to you stupid boy...I got out. I was smart. I may not have amounted to one with millions and live in a fancy house, but I have amounted to something and guess what else? I am wanted. I am loved. I am someone.

Damn Dog

Never ever have I lived in a house without an animal, and quite honestly I probably never will. Since not being able to have children of my own, my animals have become my children. No, I’m not that overly crazy dog lady who dresses up her babies and has parties and play dates, but I’m still a dog mom.

In my first post I spoke about husband number two. Before we moved to NC we adopted a dog from the humane society, his name was Roscoe. Roscoe was a basset hound and the most stubborn dog I had ever met. Then we moved to NC and for whatever reason husband number one thought that dogs did not belong inside and that Roscoe had to be an outside dog. A year after we moved to NC I thought that Roscoe needed a playmate so we got Savannah, another Basset Hound. She was a sweetheart and I adored her. Not that we needed another dog, but I wanted an inside dog. Husband number two said the only way we could get an inside dog was if we got a Dachshund. He said this because he knew that I was not a fan of the breed. I guess I could be stubborn too because a month later I came home with Daisy. I named her Daisy Mae Sunshine and she was my girl. Total mamas girl she was. A year after we got Daisy, we got a FOURTH dog, and that was Rubi.

I’m not even sure why I wasn’t a fan of the breed but when I saw that sweet girl she pulled at my heart strings and I knew I had to have her. Husband number two was not very happy that I brought her home, he truly didn’t think that I would. What can I say? I’ve always been one to go after what I want and I can be truly stubborn at times.

At any rate, I say all of that to tell you the real reason I am writing this today. Shortly before my divorce Roscoe got cancer and shortly after the divorce Savannah had kidney failure. This left me with two dogs, Rubi and Daisy. Daisy was always the feisty one where Rubi is a lover. Daisy hated everyone and I couldn’t have anyone over the house because she would bark, growl, and just be a total bitch.

I remember when I invited Shane over for the first time. I warned him about Daisy and he still came over. Wouldn’t you know it, he stepped into the kitchen, said hello to Rubi and Daisy and they both just stopped barking. Daisy loved Shane ALMOST as much as she loved me!

Daisy was a trooper. She at one point had such low iron deficiency that the DR did not know how she was still living. She got a skin disorder that the DR could not even figure out what it was. She got an eye infection that would not get better. Through all of that, she fought and lived a long, 11 good years. The day that we had to put her down was one of the hardest days of my life. We were told that she had a brain tumor and to keep an eye on it. If she started having any odd behaviors to bring her in right away. Shane and I had been visiting his mom and dad and when we got home, just one look at Daisy and I knew something was wrong.

We rushed her to the ER vet and they confirmed that she had had a seizure. I could not find the words to tell them what needed to be done. Shane is a saint. He held my hand and told the Vet what I knew needed to be said but I just couldn’t. They let us have a moment with her before they came back to inject her. Shane and I sat with Daisy and spoke to her. When Shane whispered to Daisy “ I love you Daisy, and don’t you worry I will take good care of your mom”. I Fricking Lost it!

That damn dog…..Forever my baby girl

Flash forward to yesterday. Yesterday we were at the dog park with our two newest dogs, Cooper and Alli. I was just walking along watching the dogs and I hear Shane say “here we go” and I look to see a couple coming in with a puppy that looked just like Daisy. I told Shane I would be ok and that I wouldn’t get upset, and he said “I may, I miss Daisy and loved that dog”. 🙂 Then the tears started flowing.

Isn’t it funny how you get so attached to these four legged dogs. I get so aggravated when people say “it’s just a dog”. Those people have no idea, and have no heart.